Dear self: Priorities, please

One of the reasons that I set myself this set of running goals - that I am following somebody else's plan and not creating my own - is that I don't do moderation very well. My inclination is to push myself farther than I think I can go... and then do it all again the next day, with an absolute minimum of rest days. In a way this training schedule is an exercise in frustration: it's not that I wake up every single morning with a burning desire to go run, but on off/strength/cross days, my inner bitch of a control freak rears her head and demands to know why I'm not running. You ran four miles yesterday, she says, so why aren't you running five today?

So that isn't why I run, but it is why I'm following a set schedule: hopefully it'll keep me sane a bit longer.

It's a lot easier to talk myself into breakfast/lunch/dinner when I'm running or otherwise working out every day (It really, really sucks to run when you haven't eaten in two days. Take my word on this one and don't try it at home), but I struggle with that. It's almost funny - I read other blogs, or books, in which women talk about turning to running to justify food, or talk about not allowing themselves certain treats unless they've met their fitness goals, and for me it's kind of the other way: I don't get to work out if I haven't eaten enough. I'm not really sure what that says about me, but... it has its ups and downs.

This past week or so has been a bit of a hard one in that respect. I think I'm getting enough calorie-wise (I don't think it'd be the best plan ever for me to count), but I'm planning it badly, running before breakfast and generally not eating after about five in the evening. This wouldn't be a big deal except that I can feel the difference when I run.

There is a bright side: I want to run more than I want to restrict. I just have to keep reminding myself of that.